Day 63 – 83 – Too Scared To Fail…?

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20 days have gone by and I still haven’t re-submitted my application to Adsense.

Why?

Well I suppose I could use the excuses of how busy I have been – I mean I have travelled the length of the country delivering training courses for many of those days.  And when you deliver the sort of facilitative training that I do, it is extremely tiring and you end the day exhausted.

And then of course I could use the excuse that life just gets in the way.  This is one of a number of projects I have going on right now and you know, I am busy, busy, busy….

But I suppose these are just diversions and distractions from the real truth.

As painful as it is to admit, I am probably just too scared to fail.

You see if I don’t submit the application, then I can’t be rejected which means I won’t have failed.

Whilst the “Submit Adsense Application” is on the list of things to do, then it is stacked ready to go.

I can sort of convince myself that I am actually doing “Internet Marketing” whilst not actually doing Internet Marketing.

It is a strategy I have employed quit a few times over the years.

I have products I have never launched, lists of email subscribers I have never sent e mails to, squeeze pages that have never been sent traffic.

Because I suppose subconsciously I have not wanted to fail and I can pretend I am doing this online stuff by getting some of these things in place which is some sort of success…. well at least progress…. well that’s how I like to position it when I am at my most delusional.

And this project is the latest manifestation of that.

But things are different this time…. no really they are.

Why.

Well you are reading this aren’t you?

Before I would have hidden behind the multiple charges on my credit card and the ever growing number of folders containing internet marketing products on my hard drive.  These days it is somewhat easier to hide away from the pile of internet marketing stuff I have purchased.

A few years ago, spending a few hundred dollars (or even a few thousand) would get you a big box of stuff – the more you spent, the bigger the “thud factor”.

When those start piling up in the corner of your office (or spare room as it was generally known) it becomes very difficult to justify investing in the next product “No darling, this will definitely be the one…. that other box of stuff…. rubbish…!”

A cycle that was repeated many times over I am embarrassed to say.

Anyway back to today.

I am hoping that coming out publicly in this manner will force me to actually start doing something and not just spending lots of money and talk about having an online business.

What you are seeing here is the remnants of my “old self” struggling to survive under this latest onslaught of activity.

I am determined to break this pattern of old and make this project work….whether I like it or not!

It is all about developing a Growth Mindset.

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